NPH Opening:

Veerrry nice. Entertaining. I love the effects of blending NPH into famous scenes, and the shadows and silhouettes, especially that shoutout to Singin’ in the Rain. Jack Black made the number incredibly cool. Anna Kendrick, not so much. I would say that this just met expectations, because we all know NPH is awesome. But I still remember Hugh Jackman’s number, and I watched that over and over again.

That Maroon 5 song:

Can Adam Levine just go away already? This was my cue for a bathroom break.

The Sound of Music tribute:

What. The. Hell. What the actual hell is even happening. Are we supposed to take Gaga seriously? Is she taking this seriously? I cannot even begin to describe my disappointment when, after ScarJo’s lengthy introduction, it was Gaga who appeared and not Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer. I was wishing so hard that they would come out together. Sure, eventually Julie came out to present the award for Best Original Score, so that made me happy. But Gaga did a pretty lame thing by ruining the moment and introducing Julie! Maybe she was sticking strictly to the script, but really, does anyone need to introduce the Queen of the World?

Eddie Murphy:

Wow, it’s amazing to see him at the Oscars. Very good vibes seeing him all serious and shit. But did he cross “serious” and go into “angry” territory there when he started speaking? Why so mad, Eddie?

Idina Menzel presenting with John Travolta:

This has to be one of my favorite moments in the show. My jaw actually dropped when NPH delivered his Benedict Cumberbatch joke because I saw Travolta in the audience. But I didn’t know that he would be part of the segment. God bless John Travolta for having a sense of humor about it all, and this was the absolute best thing he could have done to finally close out the Adele Dazeem saga. No one will ever forget that, but this was the perfect close to the whole thing for him – the excessive, inexplicable face-touching notwithstanding.

John Legend and Common, Glory:

John Legend and Common are Oscar winners! They have an Oscar, y’all! Damn. Also, that number had me tearing up a little bit. Totally did not expect that. I did not look as pretty as Chris Pine with his perfect tear, though.

Best Actor:

I think I was the only one actually still hoping that there would be a major upset and that Keaton would win. Meh. Just so meh about Redmayne. Meh.

Michael Keaton’s moment after Birdman’s win:

This is the best acceptance speech by a non-winner ever, and my favorite moment of the whole show. His humble way of saying, “Who am I kidding, it’s just good to be here”, just made him more endearing, if that were possible. Oof, why couldn’t he have won.

Best Picture:

I totally called it when I said that The Grand Budapest Hotel would pull a Saving Private Ryan and win all the awards except for Best Picture. Although thinking about it now, it won the awards for looking the best, it just wasn’t the best. Though I do not feel bad that Birdman won, because Michael Keaton. But the Grand Budapest had this impeccable cast, looked gorgeous, and was so incredibly funny. Couldn’t there have been a tie?

NPH’s running Oscars prediction gag:

It felt a bit too drawn out, and it was so obviously his bid to beat Ellen’s selfie last year. But it was surprisingly funny when it was finally revealed. Maybe because I was so bored by the whole thing that anything that ended it was good?

Random stuff:

I love NPH’s bit with Steve Carell because Steve Carell is just funny all around. The Lego Oscars were just the cutest thing, and it was fun seeing Andy Samberg and The Lonely Island performing on the Oscar stage. I think I’d seriously want those Legos more than the gold dolls, actually. I don’t remember seeing a lot of fugly dresses, though Reese Witherspoon’s was not good.

All in all, it was a pretty blah ceremony, with almost everything going as predicted. Although it did feel shorter than most shows so, good I guess?

Can Tina and Amy maybe host the Oscars next?