Facebook is controlling our emotions!

There’s all this hoopla about a recent study that revealed how Facebook conducted a social experiment on unwitting people. Supposedly they chose a group of users and controlled the tone of the items that showed up on their feed. Those who got mostly negative stories reported feeling bad after a while, while those who got the positive stories were either as happy or happier afterwards.

First of all, WELL DUH. Did we really need a study to tell us this? That’s why there’s the unfollow button, everyone. Use it! This is seriously one of the best updates Facebook has introduced, ever. It lets you control the content of your feed while still keeping those all-important superficial connections alive. Because we don’t want to hurt the feelings of those people that we don’t really care about in real life.

Another life-changing Facebook update? The “I don’t want to see this story” option. Again, use it! It’s a gift from the gods! If Facebook tries to shove an assy suggested post down your throat, shove it right back.

And are we really surprised that Facebook would do this? We practically have to sign our souls away the moment we set up an account. Look at how they ruined Instagram! Everybody knows that Facebook is the apocalypse and Mark Zuckerberg is the devil.