Goodbye, Hot World Cup Teams

Let us bid farewell to the hottest teams ever to play in the World Cup.

3. Ahh, England. They look like the kind of guys you can have a beer with at the pub – handsome, but not in a threatening kind of way. Very accessible. They clean up good!

 2. Hot dayum, Italia! Technically, they can still make it if they beat Uruguay in their next match. But they are hanging by a thread. So let’s just celebrate these works of art in suits. The Italians’ handsomeness is more like the kind that can blind you if you look too long. Kinda like the sun – you can’t look at them directly. And they seem like the kind of guys who know more about Dolce & Gabbana (who dressed them) and Prada than you do. VERY nice to look at, but definitely out of our collective leagues.

Here’s one more of Claudio Marchisio, for good measure.

And the hottest team in the 2014 World Cup is….

1. Ay ay ay! La Furia Roja!

Siiighhh… Just the right level of beauty that won’t blind you or make you explode like the Italians, with just the right amount of accessible good guy charm like the Brits. This collection of football beauty may never be seen in this world again. And football skills-wise, which is apparently important too,  this team’s era of dominance is all but over. Both their losses were just heartbreaking to watch, with the team basically looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Adios, hombres calientes.